Rambles

After more than a month of not posting anything new...

I'm feeling better about things. Just generally better. I'm not even sure what was going on the past month, but...I think, and hope, that it's gone for good.
The White Stripes concert is this weekend! I feel so lucky to be seeing them again. If it wasn't for my boyfriend, I wouldn't even be able to go, since I can't drive...I doubt anyone else would've been willing to take me. I hope we can get reasonably close to the stage. Who am I kidding? I hope we can get so close that they drip sweat on us and I can see the hairs on Jack's chinny-chin-chin.
I have so much free time now that all I seem to do is analyze how I feel. For some reason I seem kind of stuck between being a teenager and living in what is becoming straight- up adulthood. I mean, technically I'm an adult, and I will REALLY not be a teenager anymore this October, but something feels off.
I guess I've just always imagined 20 year-olds to have their own cars and posh apartments and long-term relationships and jobs and be totally on top of it, and the girls don't wear tennis shoes anymore - unless they're working out, which they do regularly because they're smart, responsible adults - no, they wear high heels and know how to walk in them. That sounds pretty silly, I guess. Especially now that I realize that no one is going to hand me those things or teach me how to achieve any of that.
I look around and the people I know that are older than me, even my brother, they're nothing like that. I guess I just believed what I saw on TV and in movies. I can't help but imagine that I'll be living like that in 3 years, anyway. Reality's gonna come a-crashing down one of these days.
All I really want anymore is something permanent. I'm tired of moving and changing. I look forward to the rest of my undergraduate time in college, but I also want it to be over. I'm hoping I can get out of here early. Morgantown is okay, but it's not somewhere I want to live any longer than I have to. (I hope I never somehow find this when I'm 40, listening to LCD Soundsystem's "Losing My Edge" on my antique iPod with a tear in my eye, because I'm sure I'll want to kick myself in the ass for saying "I want it to be over" in reference to college.)
For some reason, I just sort of envy my cousin who's 20-something and living in Pittsburgh with her husband. Maybe "envy" isn't the right word. It's more like admire. I don't even really know her that well, but I like to imagine what her life is like. Teaching at a university, having a husband that loves you, making gourmet food and writing a blog about it, seeing the city. I'm sure it's probably not as wonderful as I think it is, but it seems pretty awesome.
In the meantime, while I'm daydreaming about my future, here's a mix that I put together today. It's for the Last.fm group that I'm in, the Monthly Mixtape. The theme for July was "summertime"...so I took that pretty literally and threw something together.
For anyone who actually reads this... here you go: http://www.sendspace.com/file/x983gq