I buy sunglasses whether or not I look good in them, if I like the frames.
Behind cheap blue plastic and mirrored lenses,
no one can see you getting dewy-eyed
over a dead pigeon.
Love has a nasty habit of disappearing overnight
Thursday morning:
perfect, pearly-pink intestines
coiled beside a tiny grey
kitten at the end
of the bridge.
You know I love you,
but I've got news; we're gonna have to get rid of you
In July heat, a brown dog’s
haunches sticking
out of a dumpster.
And now I’m ready to feel your hand
And now I wanna be your dog
The Beatles sing “Good Day Sunshine” and
a yellow cat is taken
out with the morning’s trash.
- Liz
- Morgantown, WV, United States
- Favorite animals: sloths, wolves, mourning doves, horses, dogs, plesiosaurs. Favorite flowers: Lilly-Of-The-Valley, Queen Anne's Lace, Baby's Breath, Snapdragons. Favorite fairy tales: Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel & Gretel, Snow-White & Rose-Red, Brother & Sister. Favorite drinks: ginger ale, blueberry juice, champagne, iced coffee, orange-cream soda.
3 comments:
this is upsetting but i also really really like it.
I know you probably didn't expect or want me to comment here but seeing as I haven't slept in 30 hours and have nothing to do. Here are a few things:
The first image/scene is strong, but if you don't have a reason for making an incomplete statement ending with 'look good in' pull up them, or move everything past 'whether or not' to the second line.
Your second single-line stanza isn't trusting the reader.
Third, good image, lose 'perfect', you've got language that renders the gruesome in a better light already, plus 'pearly-pink' is nice and you're undercutting that.
Brown dog's what? That could benefit from being 2 lines.
I'm not gonna go any further, I just have long-ass stuff that needs critiqued and I'm putting it off. Hopefully this does not piss you off.
Not to just disagree with your comments, but the line breaks that show up in my poem are not the ACTUAL line breaks that I intended. When I post to my blog, it formats things differently and I don't give enough of a shit about my blog to try and change it so that they're correct (or how I wrote it, anyway).
thanks, though.
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